Pressing in to a new beginning.

It's time to stop dwelling on our past and just enjoy the new beginning God has prepare for us. Jesus didn't died for us so we could be halfway between two places, he didn't died for us so we could not exactly be a total mess or a failure anymore, he didn't die for us so we could be just a second best, and yet never be victorious either. And the sad thing is, a lot of people were stuck somewhere in the middle. They got too much of God to go back, but not enough of God to go on. And I admit, I'm one of those people. When I accepted God as my Savior and started my walk with him, what I have in mind was to do what he wanted me to do, to be what he wanted me to be, and to have what God wanted me to have. But many times, I struggle, I find myself quitting somewhere in the middle. See? I never really got through the end. That is where conflict begins. Walking with God and having a relationship with Him is not easy, it takes pressing on. Pressing through things. Pressing beyond things. Pressing. We need to keep pressing on. And pressing on is not something that anybody can do for you it's something that you must do by yourself. No one can press through for us. No one. Not even your mom, your friends, or whosoever in the world. I have heard a lot of testimonies on how they press through and hold on to God, and it encourages me to press on a little more. But every people has to dig down deep with their own strength and spirit, take hold to the hand of God and say "I will not quit. I will not give up. I will be what you wanted me to be. Do all what you wanted me to do.".

We are so to speak walking billboards for Christ. When people see a lives that's been transformed, it has to speak with people. My life back then was a total mess, people knew how I lived before, how I was before and what life I had before. But when people started to see that radical transformation that I've had, it's something that speaks to them. I'm not saying I am living a perfect life right now, and that people should look up to me or what. My point is, when you really changed for the good, and people notice it, it does not bring the credit to you but to God. We don't just received God, and begin to go to church, and do a few religious things, but really didn't change. Salvation is the most important thing  but maturity, growing up with God is also extremely important. When we're saved, God puts a smile on our face, when we grow up we put a smile on God's face. To press, means to go against our pressure. To go against what life throws at us. To go against temptation. To go against whatever we are going through. Because the fact is we are all going through something. Wishing doesn't do good for us. We don't need wish bones, we need back bones. We need to stand up and do our part. We just need to be a lot more determined.

I still have a lot to learn. About my God, about this whole "Christian" thing. And pressing on builds a spiritual muscle. When we have to use our faith, our faith becomes greater. When we need a miracle, and we don't give up we begin to see the faithfulness of God and the next time we need one it doesn't require much pressing for us to believe as it did the last time. Pressing doesn't mean to press physically but to press spiritually, and made up our mind to hold on and go all the way through with God. Not a little of it, or a part of it, but everything God wanted me to do, to be and to have. Well, the past is kinda like a magnet. It keeps trying to draw us back but Jesus is always trying to draw us forward.

We are not made for the easy things. We are made and anointed by God to get through the tough times. Let us all be willing to press through no matter what it takes. No pressures. No worries. Just God who is able. I just have to pour out all my thoughts, as I have been going through tough times, but I know I just had to depend on God, and let Him do his part. In his time, not on my time.

Have a great day people.

Love, Angel

Officially back.

I think I have a lot of explaining to do. I know it took me ages since my last update but bare with me, I can explain. I'm pretty sure much of my readers have already forgotten me, well it's okay. That's a sad thing though. So here it goes. . .

I have been very occupied with the happenings just before the year 2011 ends, haven't had the chance to post about holidays and new year. Though I did promise myself to write it on my personal journal, I guess that pretty much counts because I actually did. I think I will just keep it in the journal instead of putting it here. I will try my very best to make this as updated as possible, you know 3 months have passed and many things have happened so I think I should start writing now. I just wanted to welcome myself back here, uh, okay bye.

Week tender.

I'm pretty sure and believed that I started my week just fine. I went to Church last Sunday, had my small group with my ever so passionate leader Ate Nhitz,and we got to talked about the Holy Spirit. I knew that was exactly what God wanted me to fully understand, not just to know it but to be able to grasp and comprehend every detail of it. And I did, I believe.

Monday: February 6, 2012

I'm not really a big fan of Mondays. I hate it. I hate it because I have to wake up early in the morning for my 7 am class and have to wait for about 6 hours for my 1pm class and wait again and again for 2 more hours for my last class. See, what to love about Mondays anyway. But this one was different, it was the opening of our 80th Foundation day! Hooray. I kinda like it, some sort of a stress free week, I thought, but I was completely wrong. Right after my 7am class, my group mates and I seek our adviser for this whole "research" thing which obviously getting all our time and money(for having us printed tons of draft papers again and again) hahaha! It was getting a little on my nerve, because I was just so over it. But I'm thankful for having such a very understanding and reliable adviser, Sir Aries! For the gazillion times, we were again asked to revised it, we did and it got a little better and it must be. A little in the afternoon, I kinda felt going home. I didn't attend my 4pm class and went home straight to Pasig.

Tuesday: February 7, 2012

If I hated Monday so bad, it's a complete opposite about how I feel about Tuesdays. Tuesdays are great! It gives me more time to sleep, and allows me to do everything without cramming. I mean, yes I still need to wake up early for my 7am class and wait for another 2 hours for my 10am class but none of these matters to me. Tuesdays are great because I don't get an afternoon class! Meaning, I'm all free at noon! But the thing is I didn't went to school. When I woke up, there's this whole "soar throat" thing on me which obviously ruined my entire day. I didn't get to attend our Planting activity for my Environmental Engineering class plus it made me just bummed around the entire day. The thing is, instead of studying for my Chemistry Calculations midterm exam I just slept the whole day. When I woke up it's Wednesday already.

Wednesday: February 8, 2012

I woke up around 4am, still feeling that "soar throat" thing and it just gotten worse. I don't know what to do, I got a fever, I'm feeling cold, plus I can't breathe. So what happened was I didn't had the chance to study. So I prayed, I ask God how could it happen to me at this time? I mean I could have been sick last week or last month but why now? But I was claiming my faith that God is my healer and He can make me well. And it somehow made me feel better. So I left home around 9am, arrived at school around 11am, and went straight to the library to study. After my 1pm class, I went back again to the library, feeling terribly sick I still tried my very best to feel okay because I need to wait until 5pm for our exam. So as I waited, I prayed with a sadness and a thought of doubt in me. . . . Tick tock tick tock. . . . The clock strikes 5 and my world stopped. I was in silence and my heart was troubled. I struggled with my faith because I didn't get better even I prayed and prayed and prayed. I felt awful and terribly sick! So I had no choice but to take the exam, well I did. And it went terribly wrong. We were given 3 problems, an hour to solve each problem. I got the first problem and did my very best to solve it. After an hour, got the second one but this time I can barely breathe, my head pain got worse, and I felt very cold. As much as I wanted to, and as much as I tried I just couldn't last for 2 more hours. I struggled and kept asking God a big WHY? I wasn't able to finish it, I didn't. I went home and went straight to my bed. I cried. I cried. I cried. Like I'm having a nervous breakdown. I got depressed. Frustrated.

Thursday: February 9, 2012

Still sick. And I am still depressed. Went to school for our make up class but eventually went home a little early because my body felt like collapsing. So I decided maybe I should end my week a little early and give myself a break. So I did.



Maybe it wasn't just my week after all. Good day.

Merry Christmas (Ho ho ho!)

Hello folks! It's nice to be back, though I'm not gonna write for now. I just wanted to greet you, yes you, if you're reading this I'm talking to you, A Merry Merry Christmas! Hope you and your family had a wondeful one cos we did! :) I have a lot to write but I decided to give myself a do-nothing-all-day free pass! I'll be gone for days which means a super late post about holidays!

For now, I'll be writing on my notepad.
I promise to put here everything I wrote on my notepad as soon as possible.


Enjoy the Christmas! Don't forget to pray and greet the birthday boy.

I love you Jesus. Happy Birthday!


Love,
A.

Untitled

Whenever I feel uneasy over something I cannot explain I just put them into words to somehow feel relieved. I don't know but this has been my way of expressing my thoughts I couldn't literally expressed. I feel a bit  uneasy this past few days staying at home and I am bothered with no particular reason. I don't want this feeling. I keep asking myself, "Why am I feeling like this? What is wrong?" and still no answer. I kept myself in silence trying to find an answer. What is wrong in this house? It used to be full of love and spirit of joy specially during Christmas season. But now, its more of a structure alone, no life.

It started almost 2 months ago after my 19th birthday last October. Mom and dad had a huge fight over something. I didn't give a thought about it. I just let it pass. I always tell myself, "I'm okay. It's no big deal.". Not until I realized that there are things that you need to give a thought of, because if you just let it pass like nothing happened it will surely stay like that. Maybe I'm wrong to just forget about it. I've been hiding from reality because I knew it would torn me apart. And yes, it did. And it keeps on tearing me apart.

I took all of this as a challenge that I need to surpass. And it taught me a lot about life. That life will be constantly changing even the people you taught will never hurt you becomes the one who hurts you the most. It taught me that life is like a crazy battle. Sometimes your winning and more often you're a complete loser. There are battles that you just can't win. Some things are really meant to happen no matter how hard  you tried to stop it from happening. If its meant to happen it will. It taught me to be open and let it go.

But at the end I need to stand up and move on. Continue the battle and keep on moving. I don't want to be the person that my dad became to be. It breaks my heart to know that the man I look up to when I was a child until now wasn't the same person anymore. Reality is people do change. But God will never ever change.

Not feeling well today,
Angel

How we spent our last few days together.

I'm so grateful for having new people in my life. New friends and new company (not that I left my old friends behind). Last semester was a total blast. It was hard for me and for my classmates as well. It was hard dealing with failure and acceptance. But having people who would lift you up and encourage you to stand up again is something priceless. 

It started almost a month ago, after long hours of walking and dorm searching along the streets of Legarda and Sampaloc, Manila we managed to find a new place to live in. My classmates and I decided to live in a same area, Aouie was my new room mate while Lester and Emman live together few walks from our place. They were like a family to me, we see each other everyday, eat together, study together and do everything almost together. There were also times when we just can't understand one another. But among every reason to hate one another over power the reason to love one another. I'm just so grateful to God for having such good people in my life. I'm not saying we're perfect but through our differences we manage to build intimate friendships. 

Christmas is coming and so we had the privilege to enjoy our Christmas break! Hooray! Last Friday, after our last exam we accompanied my friend Lester, as he planned to be a blessing to someone in a very simple way. He bought a food and we went to Luneta, he then gave it to an old woman sitting under the sun's heat! It feels good when you know you just made someone happy even in a little way. Even by means of giving them something to eat. It just brought me into tears. Really. Then we went home. 

Over dinner without any plans at all, we decided to go to Greenhills to watch the yearly C.O.D Christmas play. It's about  9pm when we left. It took us almost 20 mins to arrived there. 

Yours truly. Lol!!?? 

Lester's cute signature smile! 

Emman's forever cute baby face. Hahaha!

Pictures taken right in front of the C.O.D Christmas play. Tons of people are watching! Great play. And  Bazaaaaaaaar!

Trying to make a good pose. Naah

Meet NOIE like Snowy Hahaha

Meet BENTONG LEE.

Bentong's look a like.

It was really a great night. The rest was history. But one thing happened that was so unforgettable. Neither one of us know how to went back home. Since buses were only available until 10:00 pm! It was about past 1:00 in the morning and we were all tired and exhausted. We decided to walk from Greenhills to Gilmore LRT station! It was so tiring, I thought I would have murdered my feet right there. But we made it, we were walking on the streets not minding how long it would take. We just enjoy walking, talking randomly, appreciating the warm breeze of the air, enjoying the street lights and the moment itself.  It just made me realize that there are more on this world to be thankful about! Its not about money, fame, and pleasure. It's all about down to nothing but you don't mind it because you have people walking with you!

This was the story I would never forget about this year. 2011 is about to end, but there are more new beginnings that are waiting to unfold. We just have to learn to appreciate simple things in life. And learn to value FRIENDSHIP. 

A VICTORIOUS LIFE

I grew up in a Christian home where God was at the top of our priority. Growing up, I thought to be a Christian you must go to Church every Sunday and study at a Christian school. Well, I did. Honestly, I've been living my life back then claiming I was a Christian but it just don't make sense at all. As a 19 year old college student I thought my life was like everyone else's. I followed the crowd and do what they do. I was living under the worldly things and yet I claim to be a Christian. I've been into wrong relationships. I have vices. And other  ungodly stuffs as well. During Sundays, I'd go to Church and sit at the back waiting it to end. My life back then was a complete routine. Until such time that I realized what Christianity really means and everything just made sense.

 My life has never been the same. I realized what was missing in my life. What really struck my heart was when I really understood what God really did on the Cross. I am just so grateful and overflowing with joy to know that I am that worthy because God bought me for a price. And that is His own life. He paid for my sins. He took my shame. He took my own cross. He took my pain. He took my blame. God died for US so that we can experience a life with Him.

Every time I look back to where I was before and to where I am right now I can't completely comprehend how God transformed me. From being the self-proclaimed christian to a passionately true Christian. I can't thank God enough for letting me experience a Victorious life. And each day I look forward to hear his word and to open my heart to seek more of Him and less about me. All glory to Him!

"So if the Son set you free, you will be free indeed.   - John 8:36 "