Pressing in to a new beginning.

It's time to stop dwelling on our past and just enjoy the new beginning God has prepare for us. Jesus didn't died for us so we could be halfway between two places, he didn't died for us so we could not exactly be a total mess or a failure anymore, he didn't die for us so we could be just a second best, and yet never be victorious either. And the sad thing is, a lot of people were stuck somewhere in the middle. They got too much of God to go back, but not enough of God to go on. And I admit, I'm one of those people. When I accepted God as my Savior and started my walk with him, what I have in mind was to do what he wanted me to do, to be what he wanted me to be, and to have what God wanted me to have. But many times, I struggle, I find myself quitting somewhere in the middle. See? I never really got through the end. That is where conflict begins. Walking with God and having a relationship with Him is not easy, it takes pressing on. Pressing through things. Pressing beyond things. Pressing. We need to keep pressing on. And pressing on is not something that anybody can do for you it's something that you must do by yourself. No one can press through for us. No one. Not even your mom, your friends, or whosoever in the world. I have heard a lot of testimonies on how they press through and hold on to God, and it encourages me to press on a little more. But every people has to dig down deep with their own strength and spirit, take hold to the hand of God and say "I will not quit. I will not give up. I will be what you wanted me to be. Do all what you wanted me to do.".

We are so to speak walking billboards for Christ. When people see a lives that's been transformed, it has to speak with people. My life back then was a total mess, people knew how I lived before, how I was before and what life I had before. But when people started to see that radical transformation that I've had, it's something that speaks to them. I'm not saying I am living a perfect life right now, and that people should look up to me or what. My point is, when you really changed for the good, and people notice it, it does not bring the credit to you but to God. We don't just received God, and begin to go to church, and do a few religious things, but really didn't change. Salvation is the most important thing  but maturity, growing up with God is also extremely important. When we're saved, God puts a smile on our face, when we grow up we put a smile on God's face. To press, means to go against our pressure. To go against what life throws at us. To go against temptation. To go against whatever we are going through. Because the fact is we are all going through something. Wishing doesn't do good for us. We don't need wish bones, we need back bones. We need to stand up and do our part. We just need to be a lot more determined.

I still have a lot to learn. About my God, about this whole "Christian" thing. And pressing on builds a spiritual muscle. When we have to use our faith, our faith becomes greater. When we need a miracle, and we don't give up we begin to see the faithfulness of God and the next time we need one it doesn't require much pressing for us to believe as it did the last time. Pressing doesn't mean to press physically but to press spiritually, and made up our mind to hold on and go all the way through with God. Not a little of it, or a part of it, but everything God wanted me to do, to be and to have. Well, the past is kinda like a magnet. It keeps trying to draw us back but Jesus is always trying to draw us forward.

We are not made for the easy things. We are made and anointed by God to get through the tough times. Let us all be willing to press through no matter what it takes. No pressures. No worries. Just God who is able. I just have to pour out all my thoughts, as I have been going through tough times, but I know I just had to depend on God, and let Him do his part. In his time, not on my time.

Have a great day people.

Love, Angel

A VICTORIOUS LIFE

I grew up in a Christian home where God was at the top of our priority. Growing up, I thought to be a Christian you must go to Church every Sunday and study at a Christian school. Well, I did. Honestly, I've been living my life back then claiming I was a Christian but it just don't make sense at all. As a 19 year old college student I thought my life was like everyone else's. I followed the crowd and do what they do. I was living under the worldly things and yet I claim to be a Christian. I've been into wrong relationships. I have vices. And other  ungodly stuffs as well. During Sundays, I'd go to Church and sit at the back waiting it to end. My life back then was a complete routine. Until such time that I realized what Christianity really means and everything just made sense.

 My life has never been the same. I realized what was missing in my life. What really struck my heart was when I really understood what God really did on the Cross. I am just so grateful and overflowing with joy to know that I am that worthy because God bought me for a price. And that is His own life. He paid for my sins. He took my shame. He took my own cross. He took my pain. He took my blame. God died for US so that we can experience a life with Him.

Every time I look back to where I was before and to where I am right now I can't completely comprehend how God transformed me. From being the self-proclaimed christian to a passionately true Christian. I can't thank God enough for letting me experience a Victorious life. And each day I look forward to hear his word and to open my heart to seek more of Him and less about me. All glory to Him!

"So if the Son set you free, you will be free indeed.   - John 8:36 "

The final verdict.

In my last post, I was talking about the intense week I've had. I still don't know how my grades went not until yesterday. Yes. This is it. The time I was waiting for too long. The final verdict...

Yesterday, I went to school to clear all my unpaid balances (cos I'm really good at paying on time haha!) then I went back home. In my mind, I was still hoping positively that everything will be alright. There's no really doubt at all. And back in my mind I was telling "there's no way I would fail on (put subject here!). I put my my ass on it, I study hard and I just gave everything".. I think it's somehow a defense mechanism or a part of. Then I finally saw my grades. It's now official, I failed the BIG THREE. All my majors. Period.

I stopped. My heart was pounding. Beat by beat. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I feel so ashamed to face my parents not for the fact that I failed literally but for the fact that everything was given to me, all the resources, the money, the time, the support and everything and yet this is what happened. I'm such a failure. I really am.

After a lot of thinking. I realized that this is so far the greatest failure I had in my entire life. I have never encounter a failure like this before. But I knew if I quit and just stop here and worry about this over and over, it wouldn't take me anywhere. The least I can do is to start over and get back up again. And that is what I am going to do. Like what God says to Joshua, "Be strong and courageous, for I am always with you."

Point is, we are all lead to transition. Whatever it may be. I may failed a hundred times but I will always be strong and courageous because the Lord My God is always with me. Even though I don't know what would happen in the future, even I am in the middle of a transition  I know God is with me and all I have to do is to ENDURE and be STRONG. Sometimes God's will can complicate our lives, and no matter what we do, the mountain in our lives will not move and we all just need to CLIMB. Endure. Persevere. Sometimes, that's what it takes. And I believe if we follow God's command, to be strong and courageous, to do what is right, and just show up everyday even we don't know what will happen I believe one day we are all gonna wake up and will thank God that not one of his good promises has failed. Every promises has been fulfilled! I trust you God!


Love, A.

SOMETIMES LIFE WILL KNOCK YOU DOWN

Last week was just so intense. I have been through a lot that thinking about it put me into tears. This term was finally over. Grades were already released. Some made it. Most didn't. I don't know where I belong. But one thing I know, I may have failed this time but I will not let this failure dictate my future.

In a world where competition always exists it seems like grades matter more than they should. Students, usually took it seriously like its a matter of life and death. Especially those who put all their time in their academic life. Because we may not admit it, but we like to be grouped with the achievers and somehow feel important and proud of ourselves. But I don't see grades as the means of everything. I mean grades should not be our standards for us to be proud in ourselves. Just the fact that we tried and tried and tried is something to be proud of.

For the people I spent the whole term with, I want you guys to know that grades doesn't measure our intelligence nor our capabilities. Grades are just merely a label. And yes, we got 5.0 this term, and so what? Yes we failed, are we gonna quit? No. If quit, we only prove to ourselves that we are really worthy for a 5.0 grade. It's really hard especially to confront your parents and see them being disappointed by YOU and somehow feel less worthy of anything. It's hard to accept everything that they will tell you and believe me it hurts.

Grades can never account for experiences. Numbers can never give justice to sleepless nights, caffeine-induced trances, and ineffable worries over dreaded requirements. The effort invested in producing a draft amidst tons of other paperwork can never be accounted for by a mere number. The relationships involuntarily strained by gridlocks during group works, sparse bonding time, or misunderstandings wrought from academically toxic dispositions just aren’t worth it. Still, grades comprise an integral component of academic life. The significance of these marks is not to be downplayed; life, however, should not revolve around these. Education is more than that. Life should be more than that. Because at the end of the day, no matter how much grades can seemingly quantify a student’s very being, each one has more to offer than what numbers can measure. -- Jesse Nicole Rubio Santos

I am still happy and I don't feel any sadness anymore because I put all my worries to God. I let Him handle it. Because if I carry all my worries, I cannot sustain it. I will just drown and drown all over again. In my 19 years of existence I still can't explain God's love for me. Its something I can't put into words. It's just so amazing how He works through me. Since I met Him, my life was never been the same. I started to see things differently. I thank him for every bad thing that happened to me. I praise Him when life is full crap. I always find myself delighted with the Lord and I my heart was just overflowing with joy.

Marks can never define who you are nor dictate who you should be. And as an irrevocable and indisputable truth, grades can never predict who you will eventually become. 

Living and loving it.

 Have you ever tried to be someone else? Like you started changing, and the old you has gone...? Because I did. An adventure is what I experienced. So lost in another world that I wasn't in reality any longer. I walked inside the reality of mystery and was blinded by it. I put my trust on it and started living it. Until such time that I was about to settle in I felt something strange. Like someone just whispered out of nowhere saying, "My child this is not the world that I want you to live in. This is not the world I have prepared for you.". Silence ran through me. I was dumbfounded. Motionless. The thoughts that ran through my mind added to the guilt I felt inside me. I'm struggling. My heart was pounding. I cried out...my lungs at the top of its voice cry out for help. The next thing I know I was saved. From that moment, I knew it was God. It was HIM who rescued me.

We may be different from one another but we only have ONE God. When I met Him, my life was never been the same again. He changed me. Everything about me began to disappear, like it never existed and it all became all about Him. He is my best friend. I feel his presence right beside me. I may not see him, but I can feel him. That is FAITH. I couldn't possibly imagine how my life would be without him. All I know is that, I am living a new life and loving it at the same time. I love him more than I could ever imagine. 

Dear God, 

I thank you for this day, for giving me another day to live.

 Thank you for your provision and for the unconditional love you have given me. 

You are now my life, in you I gain strength, and I would never ever walk away from you again. 

I'm sorry for having little faith and for worrying about too many things. 

Give me the power to overcome sin. I want you to take charge of my life and let your will be done.

 Love, A. 

There's still beauty in the broken

I wasn't able to go to church today because of what happened this morning. I was getting ready and dressed up and then my older sister and I had a fight. Well, actually it started this way. I was telling her to come with us and ditched out her plans for today. Since Mom and Dad are still in the US for their vacation, I was the one who is responsible here at home. So I was expecting some cooperation and concern from her. Of course, I cannot do it alone. But I guess, the opposite is happening. I mean, she's really getting out of control. And yes, it was really hard. I burst out into tears, and started crying. The room was then filled with anger and sadness. Everyone was shouting, trying to control the situation. And then, she threw my phone away and the next thing I know it was already in pieces.

I don't know what to do anymore. I just cried, until no more tears left. Yes, she maybe won the fight but I gained something. I gained something more important than anything. I realized that there are some things that you cannot choose. There are some things you cannot change. And the only thing you can do is to accept it and suck it up. In life, I have made so many mistakes, that haunts me down. But I don't want those mistakes to be the reason why my life is a big mess but I want it to be the reason why I am way better now.

Changed. Simple word that means a lot to me. I maybe someone messed up of fucked up in the past. But what really important is that I CHANGED. And now, looking back at my mistakes, it doesn't really disturbed me anymore. I mean, I can now totally talked about it openly with other people. I guess, the key is that you just have to accept that you want a change, that you want to be better and stick to it. Well I can say it's hard, some people won't understand you. But in the end, what matter is that you know that you are not the same anymore. And I thanked God for that. For everything. God doesn't give up on me. And I know exactly in my heart that I don't want to get back to the way I used to be.

My point is that, we don't have to follow the trend. We don't have to follow what the world is saying. We don't have to do something bad, just to fit in. Sometimes, we have to take the opposite way to stand out among the crowd. We have to choose what we want. We have to decide on our own and ignore what might people will say. It's all about us realizing what is right. Remember: There's still beauty in the broken it's just harder to find. We just have to look at things differently. And be more positive that one day, everything will be okay. It may take too long, but I am sure the time will come.


Love, Angel

There are things that you really have to be thankful about.

I see good vibes here. So today, I went to school to get my grades and supposedly to enroll for summer class. I got pretty good grades, almost 1's and I got a pretty high GWA (general weighted average) and by that, I mean no failing grades. And that's something to be thankful about. I don't know how to say what I am feeling right now but I am overjoyed, I am overflowing with grace, with smiles and all. I am happy. I cannot doubt it. I just feel so blessed that God really helped me to passed all my subjects. I cannot imagined how my grades would be without God's help. And I can say that it's not me who did it. It's God. I kew it, it's Him that gave me wisdom, knowledge and guidance through out the whole semester. 

And as I went home, I texted mom about how my grades went. But I made a prank joke about it, I told her that I failed on my two subjects- Integral Calculus & Physics. And she was like, "What!?? Why? Are you kidding me, I thought you we're doing good on it?". So when I arrived home, Mom was in the kitchen and she called me. I went there, and boom! Sinesermonan na ako. She really believed it, and I can see in her eyes that she was really disappointed with me. So to stop the "SERMON", I laughed and told her the truth. And ayun, natawa lang siya. She even called me "Bruha". And Mom says, it's not a good joke. So I said, sorry. Then we ate lunch. Then we slept. And zzzZzZzZ!!! 

The lesson I learned today is that, there is nothing impossible with God. 

Love, Angel

What's your TURNING POINT?

 My family never fail to go to Church on Sundays. It became our routine that during Sundays we must go to Church as a family. No excuses. No exemptions. And I guess, thats a pretty good thing. I mean, I just love that. It makes our family more closer with one another.

So today, I woke up early. Studied my Organic Chemistry notes for a bit and started working on my Physics project that is due tomorrow. Well, I know I'm good at cramming. And then we ate lunch then went to church.
Victory Alabang have a new series entitled "TURNING POINT", and I guess it's really something amazing. I don't know, I feel so happy and excited as the series began today. I just loved how Pastor Sonny(our local pastor) preached. He's really a good preacher, and a good joker I guess. And I kinda felt like sharing what I have learned today because I know it's worth sharing.

Todays series was about a story of a man in the book of Mark who was possessed by demons. Actually, thousands of demons are in his body. He isolated himself, stayed away from his family and lived by himself. The man became so powerful that people cannot tame him at all. Just imagine how demonic he was. And so to make the story short, God made a miracle in his life and casted away those demons in his body.

So, maybe right now you are thinking or maybe asking yourself so whats the big deal with that? What's something amazing in this? Well, let me share you this;

1. SIN AFFECTS RELATIONSHIP
             Yes, it does. Sin affects our relationship to God and even with the people around us. And I'm not wondering why there are so many broken families, broken friendship, and broken trust. It's because we have sinned. We have sinned and that causes relationships to suffer.

2. SIN CAUSES PAIN
             I guess its more like of a CAUSE and EFFECT situation. When we do sin, people around us will be hurt. For instance, lying to our parents, causes them pain. Why? Because we lied, and we're not supposed to make fools of our own parents. We are supposed to obey them and respect them. And for instance, a friend of yours lied to you or something, you'll definitely feel betrayed, right?

What I wanted to point out is that SIN keeps us away from JESUS and from the people we love. But God will  never let that happen. Our God is the LORD OVER NATURE. The LORD OVER DEMONS. And the LORD OVER DEATH. Everything is possible with him. God says, "DO NOT FEAR, ONLY BELIEVE." Because this man, is the GREAT I AM. This is the Jesus that we serve. This is the Jesus that we worshiped. And always remember that we SERVE A GOD, that is in the business of CHANGING LIVES. And all we need is a turning point in our own lives. It is the WORD of GOD that will set us free. No one can tag a price on us, each and everyone of us are uniquely and equally important to Him. We are all precious in his eyes.

It's not that you know Jesus, many people knew him. Its not about that you believe in Jesus, even demons believe in him. But if you really want a MIRACLE in your life, it is in how you RESPONSE to him that will determine your freedom in life. It is so evident that God do something in our lives. Remember, God died on the CROSS for our sins.

I hope you guys learned something. Let's share the word of God. Because if you care, you would.

Love, Angel.

ITS ALL ABOUT YOU, NOT ABOUT ME

            Saturday. I have to wake up early because dad will be leaving for Taiwan to visit some supplier for his work. So I have to say goodbye, and of course give him a BIG HUG. So I did. I'm not sleepy anymore so I went straight to my room and opened my laptop.

           I woke up feeling strange. I don't know. It feels different. As I watched the KKB 2010 Youth Summit this morning via TV something really hit me within. I have come to a point of realizations. I grew up being a church kid. I mean, mom and dad would always bring us to church. I have always attended Sunday schools and bible studies, and etc. I grew up knowing God and built a mutual relationship with him. But on my teenager years, my faith was tested. 

               Yes, it was really hard. And I failed. I lost my faith and have begun to be self-centered. It became all about me. I was blinded by the world temptations.I became worldly. I started to smoke, drink and lie to my parents. It was my greatest escape.  And at that time, all I thought was I was cool, I was in, and it really felt good. It feels like you're in the top of the world. I party every night until morning then I have to wake up for school feeling groggy and dizzy. I spent thousands in a week. And what's worse is I neglected my studies. I began to miss out classes. And I don't even go to school at all. All this time I feel good, I thought that life could be this great and I wished that I could live like that forever. But being like this, there's still a good side of me. And I feel guilty with everything that I am doing. My parents have been good to me, they provide all my needs and took care of me but still this is what I'm doing. They don't deserve this, I said to myself. 

             Tears run down, and I cried. I cried because I feel sorry. I feel guilty. I feel lonely. I feel hopeless. And I asked God for help. I asked Him for guidance. I realized that no matter how bad we are, no matter how many times we rejected Him, he will never leave us. I know I am not the only one having this situation, there are many youths out there, that has been in the wrong path or that is still in the wrong path. But let me say this, God will run after you. He will help you and fill your hearts with Joy, Hope and Happiness if you could just give yourself to Him wholeheartedly. If we have God, we have all we need. I really wanted a change. And I need to work on it. I need to be more-about-Him rather that more-about-me. I need to keep my faith strong and trust on Him. I need to divert my attention in the good side of the world. I need to be who I am, without minding what would the world says. ITS ALL ABOUT HIM, AND LESS ABOUT ME. I know its not enough, but accepting my wrongs is enough to be FORGIVEN. And being forgiven is enough for me to start all over again. 

Love, Angel.