Week tender.

I'm pretty sure and believed that I started my week just fine. I went to Church last Sunday, had my small group with my ever so passionate leader Ate Nhitz,and we got to talked about the Holy Spirit. I knew that was exactly what God wanted me to fully understand, not just to know it but to be able to grasp and comprehend every detail of it. And I did, I believe.

Monday: February 6, 2012

I'm not really a big fan of Mondays. I hate it. I hate it because I have to wake up early in the morning for my 7 am class and have to wait for about 6 hours for my 1pm class and wait again and again for 2 more hours for my last class. See, what to love about Mondays anyway. But this one was different, it was the opening of our 80th Foundation day! Hooray. I kinda like it, some sort of a stress free week, I thought, but I was completely wrong. Right after my 7am class, my group mates and I seek our adviser for this whole "research" thing which obviously getting all our time and money(for having us printed tons of draft papers again and again) hahaha! It was getting a little on my nerve, because I was just so over it. But I'm thankful for having such a very understanding and reliable adviser, Sir Aries! For the gazillion times, we were again asked to revised it, we did and it got a little better and it must be. A little in the afternoon, I kinda felt going home. I didn't attend my 4pm class and went home straight to Pasig.

Tuesday: February 7, 2012

If I hated Monday so bad, it's a complete opposite about how I feel about Tuesdays. Tuesdays are great! It gives me more time to sleep, and allows me to do everything without cramming. I mean, yes I still need to wake up early for my 7am class and wait for another 2 hours for my 10am class but none of these matters to me. Tuesdays are great because I don't get an afternoon class! Meaning, I'm all free at noon! But the thing is I didn't went to school. When I woke up, there's this whole "soar throat" thing on me which obviously ruined my entire day. I didn't get to attend our Planting activity for my Environmental Engineering class plus it made me just bummed around the entire day. The thing is, instead of studying for my Chemistry Calculations midterm exam I just slept the whole day. When I woke up it's Wednesday already.

Wednesday: February 8, 2012

I woke up around 4am, still feeling that "soar throat" thing and it just gotten worse. I don't know what to do, I got a fever, I'm feeling cold, plus I can't breathe. So what happened was I didn't had the chance to study. So I prayed, I ask God how could it happen to me at this time? I mean I could have been sick last week or last month but why now? But I was claiming my faith that God is my healer and He can make me well. And it somehow made me feel better. So I left home around 9am, arrived at school around 11am, and went straight to the library to study. After my 1pm class, I went back again to the library, feeling terribly sick I still tried my very best to feel okay because I need to wait until 5pm for our exam. So as I waited, I prayed with a sadness and a thought of doubt in me. . . . Tick tock tick tock. . . . The clock strikes 5 and my world stopped. I was in silence and my heart was troubled. I struggled with my faith because I didn't get better even I prayed and prayed and prayed. I felt awful and terribly sick! So I had no choice but to take the exam, well I did. And it went terribly wrong. We were given 3 problems, an hour to solve each problem. I got the first problem and did my very best to solve it. After an hour, got the second one but this time I can barely breathe, my head pain got worse, and I felt very cold. As much as I wanted to, and as much as I tried I just couldn't last for 2 more hours. I struggled and kept asking God a big WHY? I wasn't able to finish it, I didn't. I went home and went straight to my bed. I cried. I cried. I cried. Like I'm having a nervous breakdown. I got depressed. Frustrated.

Thursday: February 9, 2012

Still sick. And I am still depressed. Went to school for our make up class but eventually went home a little early because my body felt like collapsing. So I decided maybe I should end my week a little early and give myself a break. So I did.



Maybe it wasn't just my week after all. Good day.

The final verdict.

In my last post, I was talking about the intense week I've had. I still don't know how my grades went not until yesterday. Yes. This is it. The time I was waiting for too long. The final verdict...

Yesterday, I went to school to clear all my unpaid balances (cos I'm really good at paying on time haha!) then I went back home. In my mind, I was still hoping positively that everything will be alright. There's no really doubt at all. And back in my mind I was telling "there's no way I would fail on (put subject here!). I put my my ass on it, I study hard and I just gave everything".. I think it's somehow a defense mechanism or a part of. Then I finally saw my grades. It's now official, I failed the BIG THREE. All my majors. Period.

I stopped. My heart was pounding. Beat by beat. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I feel so ashamed to face my parents not for the fact that I failed literally but for the fact that everything was given to me, all the resources, the money, the time, the support and everything and yet this is what happened. I'm such a failure. I really am.

After a lot of thinking. I realized that this is so far the greatest failure I had in my entire life. I have never encounter a failure like this before. But I knew if I quit and just stop here and worry about this over and over, it wouldn't take me anywhere. The least I can do is to start over and get back up again. And that is what I am going to do. Like what God says to Joshua, "Be strong and courageous, for I am always with you."

Point is, we are all lead to transition. Whatever it may be. I may failed a hundred times but I will always be strong and courageous because the Lord My God is always with me. Even though I don't know what would happen in the future, even I am in the middle of a transition  I know God is with me and all I have to do is to ENDURE and be STRONG. Sometimes God's will can complicate our lives, and no matter what we do, the mountain in our lives will not move and we all just need to CLIMB. Endure. Persevere. Sometimes, that's what it takes. And I believe if we follow God's command, to be strong and courageous, to do what is right, and just show up everyday even we don't know what will happen I believe one day we are all gonna wake up and will thank God that not one of his good promises has failed. Every promises has been fulfilled! I trust you God!


Love, A.

SOMETIMES LIFE WILL KNOCK YOU DOWN

Last week was just so intense. I have been through a lot that thinking about it put me into tears. This term was finally over. Grades were already released. Some made it. Most didn't. I don't know where I belong. But one thing I know, I may have failed this time but I will not let this failure dictate my future.

In a world where competition always exists it seems like grades matter more than they should. Students, usually took it seriously like its a matter of life and death. Especially those who put all their time in their academic life. Because we may not admit it, but we like to be grouped with the achievers and somehow feel important and proud of ourselves. But I don't see grades as the means of everything. I mean grades should not be our standards for us to be proud in ourselves. Just the fact that we tried and tried and tried is something to be proud of.

For the people I spent the whole term with, I want you guys to know that grades doesn't measure our intelligence nor our capabilities. Grades are just merely a label. And yes, we got 5.0 this term, and so what? Yes we failed, are we gonna quit? No. If quit, we only prove to ourselves that we are really worthy for a 5.0 grade. It's really hard especially to confront your parents and see them being disappointed by YOU and somehow feel less worthy of anything. It's hard to accept everything that they will tell you and believe me it hurts.

Grades can never account for experiences. Numbers can never give justice to sleepless nights, caffeine-induced trances, and ineffable worries over dreaded requirements. The effort invested in producing a draft amidst tons of other paperwork can never be accounted for by a mere number. The relationships involuntarily strained by gridlocks during group works, sparse bonding time, or misunderstandings wrought from academically toxic dispositions just aren’t worth it. Still, grades comprise an integral component of academic life. The significance of these marks is not to be downplayed; life, however, should not revolve around these. Education is more than that. Life should be more than that. Because at the end of the day, no matter how much grades can seemingly quantify a student’s very being, each one has more to offer than what numbers can measure. -- Jesse Nicole Rubio Santos

I am still happy and I don't feel any sadness anymore because I put all my worries to God. I let Him handle it. Because if I carry all my worries, I cannot sustain it. I will just drown and drown all over again. In my 19 years of existence I still can't explain God's love for me. Its something I can't put into words. It's just so amazing how He works through me. Since I met Him, my life was never been the same. I started to see things differently. I thank him for every bad thing that happened to me. I praise Him when life is full crap. I always find myself delighted with the Lord and I my heart was just overflowing with joy.

Marks can never define who you are nor dictate who you should be. And as an irrevocable and indisputable truth, grades can never predict who you will eventually become. 

Lazy Sunday

I woke up really early this morning then went straight in front of the laptop. I'm using dad's laptop since mine was not yet fixed. In fact, I cannot believe I almost survived for a month without my laptop considering all my school files was in there. Honestly, I admit it wasn't that big deal like what I've expected. Though I guess my life could have been much easier! Ha ha! Anyway, my reason behind waking up early on a Sunday was just so lame. I just wanted badly to know my grades. Still no signs. Ugh.  And now I'm getting a bit frustrated. I don't know if I could really enjoy my sembreak knowing I have failed 2 or 3 subjects this term. It's not yet final though! It's kinda complicated, but its weird.

Catching up a little bit.

It's been so long since I last wrote here. My last post was during the first day of this semester and time passed so quickly that it is already midterms week. Few weeks from now, it will be the end of this semeseter and students will come to know if their hardworks paid off. I bet most of students feel the same way I'm feeling right now, PRESSURED. I don't know, but perhaps we are all in the same situation.

All I can say is that every student will encounter difficulties but what we need to learn is how to deal with it. As I am writing this, I was exactly thinking about my own major dilemma as a STUDENT. I am not an A student or a geek or something, just an average happy-go-lucky student who dreams to be an engineer by proffesion. Well, you heard it right. Some peole say that for you to be succesful you have to get good grades, if not straight A's, maybe almost A's is enough. But I honestly disagree on that. I have come to met many succesful people who doesn't have a diploma or not a degree holder but still became succesful. How? Simply because they are well determined to succeed. They didn't quit. They hold on to their dreams no matter how bad the situation is. See, it's not all about getting good grades. Its how you will deal with every situation you are in. I am not saying that we don't need to study hard and just be an average student. I still believe that it is always great to be the best at something. My point is, even an ordinary people can be extraordinary in their own ways if they just believe.

Believe that everything will be okay in the right time.
Believe that God has plans for us.
Believe that we have the power to be the best that we can be.
Believe that nothing is impossible.
Believe on yourself.

With that in mind, everything will follow. Success, understanding, contentment, and happiness. I just want to inspire students like me, that getting bad grades is not the end of the world. There are still hope. We should just trust in ourselves and strive more. If you fail, then strive more. If you fail again, strive more. If nothing happens, strive still. And believe me, everything will pay off. So cheers to all students! Don't be discouraged. Don't be PRESSURED. Enjoy life!

Let's all have a Happy Sunday!

Love, Angel

Back-to-school time again.

It's official, summer is over which means back-to-school time again. I'm pretty much excited about going back to school, doing home-works, school stuffs, studying for quizzes and exams, and anything about being a student. I feel most excited about being a 3rd year college student, I don't know why but it really excites me. 

My schedule is pretty good. No morning classes on Mondays which gives me enough time to sleep. And I just pray that the weather would just cooperate. So for now, I should get ready for my classes this afternoon. 

Hope you guys enjoy your first day of school. 

There is no cool way to run with a back-pack.

Love, Angel