Week tender.

I'm pretty sure and believed that I started my week just fine. I went to Church last Sunday, had my small group with my ever so passionate leader Ate Nhitz,and we got to talked about the Holy Spirit. I knew that was exactly what God wanted me to fully understand, not just to know it but to be able to grasp and comprehend every detail of it. And I did, I believe.

Monday: February 6, 2012

I'm not really a big fan of Mondays. I hate it. I hate it because I have to wake up early in the morning for my 7 am class and have to wait for about 6 hours for my 1pm class and wait again and again for 2 more hours for my last class. See, what to love about Mondays anyway. But this one was different, it was the opening of our 80th Foundation day! Hooray. I kinda like it, some sort of a stress free week, I thought, but I was completely wrong. Right after my 7am class, my group mates and I seek our adviser for this whole "research" thing which obviously getting all our time and money(for having us printed tons of draft papers again and again) hahaha! It was getting a little on my nerve, because I was just so over it. But I'm thankful for having such a very understanding and reliable adviser, Sir Aries! For the gazillion times, we were again asked to revised it, we did and it got a little better and it must be. A little in the afternoon, I kinda felt going home. I didn't attend my 4pm class and went home straight to Pasig.

Tuesday: February 7, 2012

If I hated Monday so bad, it's a complete opposite about how I feel about Tuesdays. Tuesdays are great! It gives me more time to sleep, and allows me to do everything without cramming. I mean, yes I still need to wake up early for my 7am class and wait for another 2 hours for my 10am class but none of these matters to me. Tuesdays are great because I don't get an afternoon class! Meaning, I'm all free at noon! But the thing is I didn't went to school. When I woke up, there's this whole "soar throat" thing on me which obviously ruined my entire day. I didn't get to attend our Planting activity for my Environmental Engineering class plus it made me just bummed around the entire day. The thing is, instead of studying for my Chemistry Calculations midterm exam I just slept the whole day. When I woke up it's Wednesday already.

Wednesday: February 8, 2012

I woke up around 4am, still feeling that "soar throat" thing and it just gotten worse. I don't know what to do, I got a fever, I'm feeling cold, plus I can't breathe. So what happened was I didn't had the chance to study. So I prayed, I ask God how could it happen to me at this time? I mean I could have been sick last week or last month but why now? But I was claiming my faith that God is my healer and He can make me well. And it somehow made me feel better. So I left home around 9am, arrived at school around 11am, and went straight to the library to study. After my 1pm class, I went back again to the library, feeling terribly sick I still tried my very best to feel okay because I need to wait until 5pm for our exam. So as I waited, I prayed with a sadness and a thought of doubt in me. . . . Tick tock tick tock. . . . The clock strikes 5 and my world stopped. I was in silence and my heart was troubled. I struggled with my faith because I didn't get better even I prayed and prayed and prayed. I felt awful and terribly sick! So I had no choice but to take the exam, well I did. And it went terribly wrong. We were given 3 problems, an hour to solve each problem. I got the first problem and did my very best to solve it. After an hour, got the second one but this time I can barely breathe, my head pain got worse, and I felt very cold. As much as I wanted to, and as much as I tried I just couldn't last for 2 more hours. I struggled and kept asking God a big WHY? I wasn't able to finish it, I didn't. I went home and went straight to my bed. I cried. I cried. I cried. Like I'm having a nervous breakdown. I got depressed. Frustrated.

Thursday: February 9, 2012

Still sick. And I am still depressed. Went to school for our make up class but eventually went home a little early because my body felt like collapsing. So I decided maybe I should end my week a little early and give myself a break. So I did.



Maybe it wasn't just my week after all. Good day.

Untitled

Whenever I feel uneasy over something I cannot explain I just put them into words to somehow feel relieved. I don't know but this has been my way of expressing my thoughts I couldn't literally expressed. I feel a bit  uneasy this past few days staying at home and I am bothered with no particular reason. I don't want this feeling. I keep asking myself, "Why am I feeling like this? What is wrong?" and still no answer. I kept myself in silence trying to find an answer. What is wrong in this house? It used to be full of love and spirit of joy specially during Christmas season. But now, its more of a structure alone, no life.

It started almost 2 months ago after my 19th birthday last October. Mom and dad had a huge fight over something. I didn't give a thought about it. I just let it pass. I always tell myself, "I'm okay. It's no big deal.". Not until I realized that there are things that you need to give a thought of, because if you just let it pass like nothing happened it will surely stay like that. Maybe I'm wrong to just forget about it. I've been hiding from reality because I knew it would torn me apart. And yes, it did. And it keeps on tearing me apart.

I took all of this as a challenge that I need to surpass. And it taught me a lot about life. That life will be constantly changing even the people you taught will never hurt you becomes the one who hurts you the most. It taught me that life is like a crazy battle. Sometimes your winning and more often you're a complete loser. There are battles that you just can't win. Some things are really meant to happen no matter how hard  you tried to stop it from happening. If its meant to happen it will. It taught me to be open and let it go.

But at the end I need to stand up and move on. Continue the battle and keep on moving. I don't want to be the person that my dad became to be. It breaks my heart to know that the man I look up to when I was a child until now wasn't the same person anymore. Reality is people do change. But God will never ever change.

Not feeling well today,
Angel

How we spent our last few days together.

I'm so grateful for having new people in my life. New friends and new company (not that I left my old friends behind). Last semester was a total blast. It was hard for me and for my classmates as well. It was hard dealing with failure and acceptance. But having people who would lift you up and encourage you to stand up again is something priceless. 

It started almost a month ago, after long hours of walking and dorm searching along the streets of Legarda and Sampaloc, Manila we managed to find a new place to live in. My classmates and I decided to live in a same area, Aouie was my new room mate while Lester and Emman live together few walks from our place. They were like a family to me, we see each other everyday, eat together, study together and do everything almost together. There were also times when we just can't understand one another. But among every reason to hate one another over power the reason to love one another. I'm just so grateful to God for having such good people in my life. I'm not saying we're perfect but through our differences we manage to build intimate friendships. 

Christmas is coming and so we had the privilege to enjoy our Christmas break! Hooray! Last Friday, after our last exam we accompanied my friend Lester, as he planned to be a blessing to someone in a very simple way. He bought a food and we went to Luneta, he then gave it to an old woman sitting under the sun's heat! It feels good when you know you just made someone happy even in a little way. Even by means of giving them something to eat. It just brought me into tears. Really. Then we went home. 

Over dinner without any plans at all, we decided to go to Greenhills to watch the yearly C.O.D Christmas play. It's about  9pm when we left. It took us almost 20 mins to arrived there. 

Yours truly. Lol!!?? 

Lester's cute signature smile! 

Emman's forever cute baby face. Hahaha!

Pictures taken right in front of the C.O.D Christmas play. Tons of people are watching! Great play. And  Bazaaaaaaaar!

Trying to make a good pose. Naah

Meet NOIE like Snowy Hahaha

Meet BENTONG LEE.

Bentong's look a like.

It was really a great night. The rest was history. But one thing happened that was so unforgettable. Neither one of us know how to went back home. Since buses were only available until 10:00 pm! It was about past 1:00 in the morning and we were all tired and exhausted. We decided to walk from Greenhills to Gilmore LRT station! It was so tiring, I thought I would have murdered my feet right there. But we made it, we were walking on the streets not minding how long it would take. We just enjoy walking, talking randomly, appreciating the warm breeze of the air, enjoying the street lights and the moment itself.  It just made me realize that there are more on this world to be thankful about! Its not about money, fame, and pleasure. It's all about down to nothing but you don't mind it because you have people walking with you!

This was the story I would never forget about this year. 2011 is about to end, but there are more new beginnings that are waiting to unfold. We just have to learn to appreciate simple things in life. And learn to value FRIENDSHIP. 

so much pain for someone so young

weheartit

That moment when all you got was nothing...

and everything seems like falling apart.

:((((

Love, A

Good old times

Yesterday, Dad already found out about how my grades went right before I was about to leave. Well, of course he over reacted again but I know it's my fault. So I told him how upset I was and how sorry I am. He kept on telling me that he cannot accept the fact that I failed. Of course I knew this was gonna happen. He also told me now that I have failed, I am just a complete trash. Someone worthless. It hurts. I wanted to cry, but I don't want him to see me cry. I look back and evaluated myself. In my mind and in my heart I knew I did everything I could. I remember those sleepless nights which obviously didn't paid off. But these made me realize there's something missing. After all, everything wasn't good enough. So now, what I need to do is to change my study habits. If I need to give more time to my academic life and less time to my other activities I would. I just needed to get myself back where I am. I want progress.

Then dad and I separated our ways. I took the bus bound to manila. I went to school to fixed my schedule but unfortunately petitions subjects are still to be approved. So I decided to go home right away. My friend Jinny(one of my best friends) text-ed me and asked me if we could hang out for awhile and I said yes. I text-ed my mom, and I told her that I would be home a bit late. Jinny and I played billiards and Jinny won twice! I won only once. Hahaha! But that's okay for a beginner like me! We shared stories like the old times.

Ahhh. I realized that I just missed her a lot! We've been into fight which took for about a year! Well, that's too long (I know)!  I'm gad we're okay now!

Then we went homeee.

Love, A

How we spent the rainy day: Wednesday

I received a tweet from my friend Hayron the night before Wednesday. She asked me if she could come over at my house to watch the NBA finals, Dallas VS Miami and I said yes. I woke up yesterday around 8am and what I first did was open the TV, and checked what's happening about the game. Hayron texted me around 9am that she won't be able to come early. And then I watched the game, Dallas won, and I took a bath. We already have previous plan on how we'll spend the day, but unfortunately the weather was a bit crappy, but it didn't really stopped us. Hayron drove her sister and her friends to Nuvali, and then picked me up around 11am. We went straight to Ethel's house. She's also my friend, one of the most closest to me. We're roomies and I love her. Since the rain was really pouring that time, we decided to stayed there for the mean time while waiting for Lea-my other friend. We watched Showtime, and then decided to watch a movie.

We watched "The Rite", we thought it was creepy and all, but it was boring. So we decided to pick another one, and then we watched "The Fourth Kind" and this time it was really creepy. Unfortunately, Hayron's sister texted her to pick them up at Nuvali, so we didn't able to finish the movie. We can't even finish a single a movie. That's funny.

Hayron driving to Nuvali

Lea in the font sit.

Ethel sits beside me.

After picking Hayron's sister we went straight to LaSalle Zobel and dropped them there. Then we ate at SEX-Sinangag Express. Then we went straight to Town Center. We did a lot of walking. After buying school stuffs we went to Starbucks to have some coffee and took some rest. We were all tired, and it was already past 8pm. Gahh! Then we went home. 

Roadtrip + good friend + rain = Fun.

We know were crazy, but what fun would we be if we were NORMAL :)

Love, angel

Only boring people are bored.

My day on a roll:

• Woke up around 9am
• Log on to facebook
• Check notifications
• Poke everyone back
• Change from "Top News" to "Most Recent"
• Have a little scroll down
• Do the "Happy Birthday" ritual
• Dad went online
• Had a long chat with mom and dad
• Go back to home page
• I got bored
• Log out on facebook
• Ate lunch
• Do the chit-chat ritual
• Watched TV
• Checked my blog
• Checked my phone for messages
• I got bored again
• I feel sleepy
• Played on my iPod
• Got a call from my cousin
• It was dinner already
• I don't feel hungry
• I skip dinner
• Blogging about my day in a bullet form
• Now I'm done
• Will post it in a minute
• Head back to my room
• Gonna watch a movie
• zZzzZzzzZzZZ

I'm still wearing my PJ's last night.

Which means, I didn't shower today. 

But, I don't smell awful.

I swear. 

Oh Noooo. Its true. 

Good bye! 

Love, Angel

There's still beauty in the broken

I wasn't able to go to church today because of what happened this morning. I was getting ready and dressed up and then my older sister and I had a fight. Well, actually it started this way. I was telling her to come with us and ditched out her plans for today. Since Mom and Dad are still in the US for their vacation, I was the one who is responsible here at home. So I was expecting some cooperation and concern from her. Of course, I cannot do it alone. But I guess, the opposite is happening. I mean, she's really getting out of control. And yes, it was really hard. I burst out into tears, and started crying. The room was then filled with anger and sadness. Everyone was shouting, trying to control the situation. And then, she threw my phone away and the next thing I know it was already in pieces.

I don't know what to do anymore. I just cried, until no more tears left. Yes, she maybe won the fight but I gained something. I gained something more important than anything. I realized that there are some things that you cannot choose. There are some things you cannot change. And the only thing you can do is to accept it and suck it up. In life, I have made so many mistakes, that haunts me down. But I don't want those mistakes to be the reason why my life is a big mess but I want it to be the reason why I am way better now.

Changed. Simple word that means a lot to me. I maybe someone messed up of fucked up in the past. But what really important is that I CHANGED. And now, looking back at my mistakes, it doesn't really disturbed me anymore. I mean, I can now totally talked about it openly with other people. I guess, the key is that you just have to accept that you want a change, that you want to be better and stick to it. Well I can say it's hard, some people won't understand you. But in the end, what matter is that you know that you are not the same anymore. And I thanked God for that. For everything. God doesn't give up on me. And I know exactly in my heart that I don't want to get back to the way I used to be.

My point is that, we don't have to follow the trend. We don't have to follow what the world is saying. We don't have to do something bad, just to fit in. Sometimes, we have to take the opposite way to stand out among the crowd. We have to choose what we want. We have to decide on our own and ignore what might people will say. It's all about us realizing what is right. Remember: There's still beauty in the broken it's just harder to find. We just have to look at things differently. And be more positive that one day, everything will be okay. It may take too long, but I am sure the time will come.


Love, Angel