Untitled

Whenever I feel uneasy over something I cannot explain I just put them into words to somehow feel relieved. I don't know but this has been my way of expressing my thoughts I couldn't literally expressed. I feel a bit  uneasy this past few days staying at home and I am bothered with no particular reason. I don't want this feeling. I keep asking myself, "Why am I feeling like this? What is wrong?" and still no answer. I kept myself in silence trying to find an answer. What is wrong in this house? It used to be full of love and spirit of joy specially during Christmas season. But now, its more of a structure alone, no life.

It started almost 2 months ago after my 19th birthday last October. Mom and dad had a huge fight over something. I didn't give a thought about it. I just let it pass. I always tell myself, "I'm okay. It's no big deal.". Not until I realized that there are things that you need to give a thought of, because if you just let it pass like nothing happened it will surely stay like that. Maybe I'm wrong to just forget about it. I've been hiding from reality because I knew it would torn me apart. And yes, it did. And it keeps on tearing me apart.

I took all of this as a challenge that I need to surpass. And it taught me a lot about life. That life will be constantly changing even the people you taught will never hurt you becomes the one who hurts you the most. It taught me that life is like a crazy battle. Sometimes your winning and more often you're a complete loser. There are battles that you just can't win. Some things are really meant to happen no matter how hard  you tried to stop it from happening. If its meant to happen it will. It taught me to be open and let it go.

But at the end I need to stand up and move on. Continue the battle and keep on moving. I don't want to be the person that my dad became to be. It breaks my heart to know that the man I look up to when I was a child until now wasn't the same person anymore. Reality is people do change. But God will never ever change.

Not feeling well today,
Angel

so much pain for someone so young

weheartit

That moment when all you got was nothing...

and everything seems like falling apart.

:((((

Love, A

Why so slow?

My laptop has been running slow, I mean verrry sloow! I don't know if it's because I have too many programs installed or it's just in my connection. I'm trying this new CCleaner for PC and I don't know if it will work. But let's see.

CCleaner in action. :)

I hope it would work.

Anyway, does anyone here can suggest any software i can use?

Thanks. 

Love, Angel

ITS ALL ABOUT YOU, NOT ABOUT ME

            Saturday. I have to wake up early because dad will be leaving for Taiwan to visit some supplier for his work. So I have to say goodbye, and of course give him a BIG HUG. So I did. I'm not sleepy anymore so I went straight to my room and opened my laptop.

           I woke up feeling strange. I don't know. It feels different. As I watched the KKB 2010 Youth Summit this morning via TV something really hit me within. I have come to a point of realizations. I grew up being a church kid. I mean, mom and dad would always bring us to church. I have always attended Sunday schools and bible studies, and etc. I grew up knowing God and built a mutual relationship with him. But on my teenager years, my faith was tested. 

               Yes, it was really hard. And I failed. I lost my faith and have begun to be self-centered. It became all about me. I was blinded by the world temptations.I became worldly. I started to smoke, drink and lie to my parents. It was my greatest escape.  And at that time, all I thought was I was cool, I was in, and it really felt good. It feels like you're in the top of the world. I party every night until morning then I have to wake up for school feeling groggy and dizzy. I spent thousands in a week. And what's worse is I neglected my studies. I began to miss out classes. And I don't even go to school at all. All this time I feel good, I thought that life could be this great and I wished that I could live like that forever. But being like this, there's still a good side of me. And I feel guilty with everything that I am doing. My parents have been good to me, they provide all my needs and took care of me but still this is what I'm doing. They don't deserve this, I said to myself. 

             Tears run down, and I cried. I cried because I feel sorry. I feel guilty. I feel lonely. I feel hopeless. And I asked God for help. I asked Him for guidance. I realized that no matter how bad we are, no matter how many times we rejected Him, he will never leave us. I know I am not the only one having this situation, there are many youths out there, that has been in the wrong path or that is still in the wrong path. But let me say this, God will run after you. He will help you and fill your hearts with Joy, Hope and Happiness if you could just give yourself to Him wholeheartedly. If we have God, we have all we need. I really wanted a change. And I need to work on it. I need to be more-about-Him rather that more-about-me. I need to keep my faith strong and trust on Him. I need to divert my attention in the good side of the world. I need to be who I am, without minding what would the world says. ITS ALL ABOUT HIM, AND LESS ABOUT ME. I know its not enough, but accepting my wrongs is enough to be FORGIVEN. And being forgiven is enough for me to start all over again. 

Love, Angel.