Saturday. I have to wake up early because dad will be leaving for Taiwan to visit some supplier for his work. So I have to say goodbye, and of course give him a BIG HUG. So I did. I'm not sleepy anymore so I went straight to my room and opened my laptop.
I woke up feeling strange. I don't know. It feels different. As I watched the KKB 2010 Youth Summit this morning via TV something really hit me within. I have come to a point of realizations. I grew up being a church kid. I mean, mom and dad would always bring us to church. I have always attended Sunday schools and bible studies, and etc. I grew up knowing God and built a mutual relationship with him. But on my teenager years, my faith was tested.
Yes, it was really hard. And I failed. I lost my faith and have begun to be self-centered. It became all about me. I was blinded by the world temptations.I became worldly. I started to smoke, drink and lie to my parents. It was my greatest escape. And at that time, all I thought was I was cool, I was in, and it really felt good. It feels like you're in the top of the world. I party every night until morning then I have to wake up for school feeling groggy and dizzy. I spent thousands in a week. And what's worse is I neglected my studies. I began to miss out classes. And I don't even go to school at all. All this time I feel good, I thought that life could be this great and I wished that I could live like that forever. But being like this, there's still a good side of me. And I feel guilty with everything that I am doing. My parents have been good to me, they provide all my needs and took care of me but still this is what I'm doing. They don't deserve this, I said to myself.
Tears run down, and I cried. I cried because I feel sorry. I feel guilty. I feel lonely. I feel hopeless. And I asked God for help. I asked Him for guidance. I realized that no matter how bad we are, no matter how many times we rejected Him, he will never leave us. I know I am not the only one having this situation, there are many youths out there, that has been in the wrong path or that is still in the wrong path. But let me say this, God will run after you. He will help you and fill your hearts with Joy, Hope and Happiness if you could just give yourself to Him wholeheartedly. If we have God, we have all we need. I really wanted a change. And I need to work on it. I need to be more-about-Him rather that more-about-me. I need to keep my faith strong and trust on Him. I need to divert my attention in the good side of the world. I need to be who I am, without minding what would the world says. ITS ALL ABOUT HIM, AND LESS ABOUT ME. I know its not enough, but accepting my wrongs is enough to be FORGIVEN. And being forgiven is enough for me to start all over again.
Love, Angel.
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