Merry Christmas (Ho ho ho!)

Hello folks! It's nice to be back, though I'm not gonna write for now. I just wanted to greet you, yes you, if you're reading this I'm talking to you, A Merry Merry Christmas! Hope you and your family had a wondeful one cos we did! :) I have a lot to write but I decided to give myself a do-nothing-all-day free pass! I'll be gone for days which means a super late post about holidays!

For now, I'll be writing on my notepad.
I promise to put here everything I wrote on my notepad as soon as possible.


Enjoy the Christmas! Don't forget to pray and greet the birthday boy.

I love you Jesus. Happy Birthday!


Love,
A.

Untitled

Whenever I feel uneasy over something I cannot explain I just put them into words to somehow feel relieved. I don't know but this has been my way of expressing my thoughts I couldn't literally expressed. I feel a bit  uneasy this past few days staying at home and I am bothered with no particular reason. I don't want this feeling. I keep asking myself, "Why am I feeling like this? What is wrong?" and still no answer. I kept myself in silence trying to find an answer. What is wrong in this house? It used to be full of love and spirit of joy specially during Christmas season. But now, its more of a structure alone, no life.

It started almost 2 months ago after my 19th birthday last October. Mom and dad had a huge fight over something. I didn't give a thought about it. I just let it pass. I always tell myself, "I'm okay. It's no big deal.". Not until I realized that there are things that you need to give a thought of, because if you just let it pass like nothing happened it will surely stay like that. Maybe I'm wrong to just forget about it. I've been hiding from reality because I knew it would torn me apart. And yes, it did. And it keeps on tearing me apart.

I took all of this as a challenge that I need to surpass. And it taught me a lot about life. That life will be constantly changing even the people you taught will never hurt you becomes the one who hurts you the most. It taught me that life is like a crazy battle. Sometimes your winning and more often you're a complete loser. There are battles that you just can't win. Some things are really meant to happen no matter how hard  you tried to stop it from happening. If its meant to happen it will. It taught me to be open and let it go.

But at the end I need to stand up and move on. Continue the battle and keep on moving. I don't want to be the person that my dad became to be. It breaks my heart to know that the man I look up to when I was a child until now wasn't the same person anymore. Reality is people do change. But God will never ever change.

Not feeling well today,
Angel

How we spent our last few days together.

I'm so grateful for having new people in my life. New friends and new company (not that I left my old friends behind). Last semester was a total blast. It was hard for me and for my classmates as well. It was hard dealing with failure and acceptance. But having people who would lift you up and encourage you to stand up again is something priceless. 

It started almost a month ago, after long hours of walking and dorm searching along the streets of Legarda and Sampaloc, Manila we managed to find a new place to live in. My classmates and I decided to live in a same area, Aouie was my new room mate while Lester and Emman live together few walks from our place. They were like a family to me, we see each other everyday, eat together, study together and do everything almost together. There were also times when we just can't understand one another. But among every reason to hate one another over power the reason to love one another. I'm just so grateful to God for having such good people in my life. I'm not saying we're perfect but through our differences we manage to build intimate friendships. 

Christmas is coming and so we had the privilege to enjoy our Christmas break! Hooray! Last Friday, after our last exam we accompanied my friend Lester, as he planned to be a blessing to someone in a very simple way. He bought a food and we went to Luneta, he then gave it to an old woman sitting under the sun's heat! It feels good when you know you just made someone happy even in a little way. Even by means of giving them something to eat. It just brought me into tears. Really. Then we went home. 

Over dinner without any plans at all, we decided to go to Greenhills to watch the yearly C.O.D Christmas play. It's about  9pm when we left. It took us almost 20 mins to arrived there. 

Yours truly. Lol!!?? 

Lester's cute signature smile! 

Emman's forever cute baby face. Hahaha!

Pictures taken right in front of the C.O.D Christmas play. Tons of people are watching! Great play. And  Bazaaaaaaaar!

Trying to make a good pose. Naah

Meet NOIE like Snowy Hahaha

Meet BENTONG LEE.

Bentong's look a like.

It was really a great night. The rest was history. But one thing happened that was so unforgettable. Neither one of us know how to went back home. Since buses were only available until 10:00 pm! It was about past 1:00 in the morning and we were all tired and exhausted. We decided to walk from Greenhills to Gilmore LRT station! It was so tiring, I thought I would have murdered my feet right there. But we made it, we were walking on the streets not minding how long it would take. We just enjoy walking, talking randomly, appreciating the warm breeze of the air, enjoying the street lights and the moment itself.  It just made me realize that there are more on this world to be thankful about! Its not about money, fame, and pleasure. It's all about down to nothing but you don't mind it because you have people walking with you!

This was the story I would never forget about this year. 2011 is about to end, but there are more new beginnings that are waiting to unfold. We just have to learn to appreciate simple things in life. And learn to value FRIENDSHIP. 

A VICTORIOUS LIFE

I grew up in a Christian home where God was at the top of our priority. Growing up, I thought to be a Christian you must go to Church every Sunday and study at a Christian school. Well, I did. Honestly, I've been living my life back then claiming I was a Christian but it just don't make sense at all. As a 19 year old college student I thought my life was like everyone else's. I followed the crowd and do what they do. I was living under the worldly things and yet I claim to be a Christian. I've been into wrong relationships. I have vices. And other  ungodly stuffs as well. During Sundays, I'd go to Church and sit at the back waiting it to end. My life back then was a complete routine. Until such time that I realized what Christianity really means and everything just made sense.

 My life has never been the same. I realized what was missing in my life. What really struck my heart was when I really understood what God really did on the Cross. I am just so grateful and overflowing with joy to know that I am that worthy because God bought me for a price. And that is His own life. He paid for my sins. He took my shame. He took my own cross. He took my pain. He took my blame. God died for US so that we can experience a life with Him.

Every time I look back to where I was before and to where I am right now I can't completely comprehend how God transformed me. From being the self-proclaimed christian to a passionately true Christian. I can't thank God enough for letting me experience a Victorious life. And each day I look forward to hear his word and to open my heart to seek more of Him and less about me. All glory to Him!

"So if the Son set you free, you will be free indeed.   - John 8:36 "

so much pain for someone so young

weheartit

That moment when all you got was nothing...

and everything seems like falling apart.

:((((

Love, A

Good old times

Yesterday, Dad already found out about how my grades went right before I was about to leave. Well, of course he over reacted again but I know it's my fault. So I told him how upset I was and how sorry I am. He kept on telling me that he cannot accept the fact that I failed. Of course I knew this was gonna happen. He also told me now that I have failed, I am just a complete trash. Someone worthless. It hurts. I wanted to cry, but I don't want him to see me cry. I look back and evaluated myself. In my mind and in my heart I knew I did everything I could. I remember those sleepless nights which obviously didn't paid off. But these made me realize there's something missing. After all, everything wasn't good enough. So now, what I need to do is to change my study habits. If I need to give more time to my academic life and less time to my other activities I would. I just needed to get myself back where I am. I want progress.

Then dad and I separated our ways. I took the bus bound to manila. I went to school to fixed my schedule but unfortunately petitions subjects are still to be approved. So I decided to go home right away. My friend Jinny(one of my best friends) text-ed me and asked me if we could hang out for awhile and I said yes. I text-ed my mom, and I told her that I would be home a bit late. Jinny and I played billiards and Jinny won twice! I won only once. Hahaha! But that's okay for a beginner like me! We shared stories like the old times.

Ahhh. I realized that I just missed her a lot! We've been into fight which took for about a year! Well, that's too long (I know)!  I'm gad we're okay now!

Then we went homeee.

Love, A

An adventure at Mt. Batulao Traverse 10|29-30|11

After being stuck with piles of school papers and school stuffs I finally had the chance to unwind and reward myself a break. A break that I was waiting for too long...finally came.

Last Saturday and Sunday we had our trip to Mt. Batulao Nasugbu, Batangas, it was a bit sunny but fair weather all throughout. We (my adums family) arrived past 2:00 in the afternoon, ate lunch and rest for awhile. At past 3:00 we started trekking. 

 Arrival at Evercrest. Pose muna bago mag trek. :)
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Jason Jimenez

The trail was a bit difficult, rough roads, tall grasses and slopes with 60-70 degrees. After sometime of trekking, you will find a hut where Halo-Halo and mountain dew is sold for P20 pesos.

Taken at the nearest hut where Halo-Halo is sold for P20 pesos! Yum!
Photo Courtesy of Ate Maria Chiu

Approximately 500 meters beyond this hut is the junction between the old trail and the new trail.

The sign says "Welcome to Mt. Batulao. Dito po sa New trail.".
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Jeff Saises

We took the old trail which was at the east part. From the junction, it took us for about 1 hour or more (im not so sure) to reached the campsite. Campsites are numbered 1-10 plus there is a logbook and a registration fee which is P20 pesos and a water source! Camp 1 and 2 were already occupied so we stayed at camp 3. It was already past 5 when we reached the camp site, then we settle in and prepare for dinner.

Arrival at the campsite.
Photo Courtesy of Ate Cheng Masong

The second we arrived, we set camp then we prepared for dinner. The feeling was amazing. You can feel the wind blowing in silence, the view was magnificent. From camp 3 which was via old trail you can see the peak and some rock formations right across the new trail. After sunset, the view became more magnificent. Darkness emerged from the sky and the stars began to shine like it was twinkling.

The moon right after sunset
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Jeff Saises

Breathtaking view after sunset
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Jeff Saises

Night time came and its time for dinner. Ahhh. Yes, its dinner time. And we were blessed with good cooks. Hahaha! 

Spell graaaavvvy..
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Jeff Saises

Mashed potato!?? This one is reaaally goood!
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Jeff Saises

Hmmm. Beefsteak. Yumm!
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Jeff Saises

I don't know what it's called but I swear this one is really good!
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Jeff Saises

Gaaah! Thankyou Lord for this awesome food!!!!
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Jeff Saises

It was a blast. *Burp!* Awesome food + good company + chilly night = amazing night! Then..it's time for s o c i a l s. We stayed late at night, enjoying the cold breeze while we enjoy each others company. We shared stories, jokes and laughter. We almost lost track of time, so we settled in our tents at about 1:00 AM. We all took a rest....

We woke up the next day with so much excitement. We enjoyed the view, the warm breeze and the sun was just amazingly shinning. I could feel its rays touching my skin. And then we prepared for breakfast!

Preparing for breakfast.

This is what we had for breakfast.
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Jeff Saises

See? I told you we were really blessed with good cooks! Hahaha! Now, there is a really good reason to relax.

These are some pictures taken at the campsite...

Proud to be ADUMS.
Photo Courtesy of Justine Sesbreno

Goodmorning sunshine! leggo!
Photo Courtesy of Ate Cheng Masong

I personally took this picture. You can almost see the Batulao peak from our campsite. 

After breakfast, we break camp and continue our trek heading to the summit. We left the campsite at around 9:00am. The trail became more difficult and steeper as we go higher. I knew that the assault was tougher as it seems yet my excitement outgrown my fear. As we go higher I could see the mountain we had just crossed. As we climbed higher the view became more beautiful than what I see in the magazine and in the pictures. It was just so real. 

Pictures taken on our way to summit...

I thought it was autumn.
Photo Courtesy of Ate Maria Chiu

Practically on our way to summit
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Jason Jimenez

Way to go. 
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Jason Jimenez

We literally did some Rock Climbing too.
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Jeff Saises

Kuya Tarat trying to make a good pose. :)
Photo Courtesy of Ate Cheng Masong

The view halfway to the summit.
Photo Courtesy of Ate Zandra Pagnas

Some rock formations and other mountaineers descending via new trail
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Jeff Saises

Around 12:00pm we arrived at the summit. The view was a complete 360 turn. We had cold mountain dew for P25 pesos. The rest was history.

Pictures taken at the summit...

Mountain dew at the summit
Photo Courtesy of Jayleen Zaragosa

enjoying the 360 view
Photo Courtesy of Jayleen Zaragosa

with my adums family - this is priceless
Photo Courtesy of Ate Maria Chiu

Then we descend via new trail..

Descending via new trail
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Marvin Pineda

new trail are composed of grasslands
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Marvin Pineda

taking a break
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Marvin Pineda

Photo Courtesy of Kuya Marvin Pineda

Spell exhausted?
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Marvin Pineda

Photo Courtesy of Kuya Marvin Pineda

Grassland
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Marvin Pineda

cool rock formation
Photo Courtesy of Kuya Marvin Pineda

After hours of trekking we finally reached the junction connecting the old trail and the new trail. At the junction there is a hut where Buko juice, fresh Buko and Halo-halo is sold for P20, P25, P20 respectively. Since I almost run out of water, I had 2 cups of buko juice which literally took away my thirst! Aaaaah. It was  damn cold! I'm so refreshed. 

The last buko stop at the junction. 
Photo Courtesy of Jayleen Zaragosa

After our buko trip, we continued our trek which took us about 40minutes to finally reach the jump off point. Then we rode a jeepney from the jump off back to Evercrest Golf Course, Nasugbu, Batangas. 

"Don't change the mountain, let the mountain change YOU!"

Photo Courtesy of Jayleen Zaragosa

**The End**

Indeed, it was a great adventure after all. I believe every one has their own mountain to climb. But having people who would be there to climb with you is something priceless. I am so blessed to have such good people in my life. I will always be proud to be ADUMS.

Love, A

The final verdict.

In my last post, I was talking about the intense week I've had. I still don't know how my grades went not until yesterday. Yes. This is it. The time I was waiting for too long. The final verdict...

Yesterday, I went to school to clear all my unpaid balances (cos I'm really good at paying on time haha!) then I went back home. In my mind, I was still hoping positively that everything will be alright. There's no really doubt at all. And back in my mind I was telling "there's no way I would fail on (put subject here!). I put my my ass on it, I study hard and I just gave everything".. I think it's somehow a defense mechanism or a part of. Then I finally saw my grades. It's now official, I failed the BIG THREE. All my majors. Period.

I stopped. My heart was pounding. Beat by beat. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I feel so ashamed to face my parents not for the fact that I failed literally but for the fact that everything was given to me, all the resources, the money, the time, the support and everything and yet this is what happened. I'm such a failure. I really am.

After a lot of thinking. I realized that this is so far the greatest failure I had in my entire life. I have never encounter a failure like this before. But I knew if I quit and just stop here and worry about this over and over, it wouldn't take me anywhere. The least I can do is to start over and get back up again. And that is what I am going to do. Like what God says to Joshua, "Be strong and courageous, for I am always with you."

Point is, we are all lead to transition. Whatever it may be. I may failed a hundred times but I will always be strong and courageous because the Lord My God is always with me. Even though I don't know what would happen in the future, even I am in the middle of a transition  I know God is with me and all I have to do is to ENDURE and be STRONG. Sometimes God's will can complicate our lives, and no matter what we do, the mountain in our lives will not move and we all just need to CLIMB. Endure. Persevere. Sometimes, that's what it takes. And I believe if we follow God's command, to be strong and courageous, to do what is right, and just show up everyday even we don't know what will happen I believe one day we are all gonna wake up and will thank God that not one of his good promises has failed. Every promises has been fulfilled! I trust you God!


Love, A.

SOMETIMES LIFE WILL KNOCK YOU DOWN

Last week was just so intense. I have been through a lot that thinking about it put me into tears. This term was finally over. Grades were already released. Some made it. Most didn't. I don't know where I belong. But one thing I know, I may have failed this time but I will not let this failure dictate my future.

In a world where competition always exists it seems like grades matter more than they should. Students, usually took it seriously like its a matter of life and death. Especially those who put all their time in their academic life. Because we may not admit it, but we like to be grouped with the achievers and somehow feel important and proud of ourselves. But I don't see grades as the means of everything. I mean grades should not be our standards for us to be proud in ourselves. Just the fact that we tried and tried and tried is something to be proud of.

For the people I spent the whole term with, I want you guys to know that grades doesn't measure our intelligence nor our capabilities. Grades are just merely a label. And yes, we got 5.0 this term, and so what? Yes we failed, are we gonna quit? No. If quit, we only prove to ourselves that we are really worthy for a 5.0 grade. It's really hard especially to confront your parents and see them being disappointed by YOU and somehow feel less worthy of anything. It's hard to accept everything that they will tell you and believe me it hurts.

Grades can never account for experiences. Numbers can never give justice to sleepless nights, caffeine-induced trances, and ineffable worries over dreaded requirements. The effort invested in producing a draft amidst tons of other paperwork can never be accounted for by a mere number. The relationships involuntarily strained by gridlocks during group works, sparse bonding time, or misunderstandings wrought from academically toxic dispositions just aren’t worth it. Still, grades comprise an integral component of academic life. The significance of these marks is not to be downplayed; life, however, should not revolve around these. Education is more than that. Life should be more than that. Because at the end of the day, no matter how much grades can seemingly quantify a student’s very being, each one has more to offer than what numbers can measure. -- Jesse Nicole Rubio Santos

I am still happy and I don't feel any sadness anymore because I put all my worries to God. I let Him handle it. Because if I carry all my worries, I cannot sustain it. I will just drown and drown all over again. In my 19 years of existence I still can't explain God's love for me. Its something I can't put into words. It's just so amazing how He works through me. Since I met Him, my life was never been the same. I started to see things differently. I thank him for every bad thing that happened to me. I praise Him when life is full crap. I always find myself delighted with the Lord and I my heart was just overflowing with joy.

Marks can never define who you are nor dictate who you should be. And as an irrevocable and indisputable truth, grades can never predict who you will eventually become. 

Lazy Sunday

I woke up really early this morning then went straight in front of the laptop. I'm using dad's laptop since mine was not yet fixed. In fact, I cannot believe I almost survived for a month without my laptop considering all my school files was in there. Honestly, I admit it wasn't that big deal like what I've expected. Though I guess my life could have been much easier! Ha ha! Anyway, my reason behind waking up early on a Sunday was just so lame. I just wanted badly to know my grades. Still no signs. Ugh.  And now I'm getting a bit frustrated. I don't know if I could really enjoy my sembreak knowing I have failed 2 or 3 subjects this term. It's not yet final though! It's kinda complicated, but its weird.

Living and loving it.

 Have you ever tried to be someone else? Like you started changing, and the old you has gone...? Because I did. An adventure is what I experienced. So lost in another world that I wasn't in reality any longer. I walked inside the reality of mystery and was blinded by it. I put my trust on it and started living it. Until such time that I was about to settle in I felt something strange. Like someone just whispered out of nowhere saying, "My child this is not the world that I want you to live in. This is not the world I have prepared for you.". Silence ran through me. I was dumbfounded. Motionless. The thoughts that ran through my mind added to the guilt I felt inside me. I'm struggling. My heart was pounding. I cried out...my lungs at the top of its voice cry out for help. The next thing I know I was saved. From that moment, I knew it was God. It was HIM who rescued me.

We may be different from one another but we only have ONE God. When I met Him, my life was never been the same again. He changed me. Everything about me began to disappear, like it never existed and it all became all about Him. He is my best friend. I feel his presence right beside me. I may not see him, but I can feel him. That is FAITH. I couldn't possibly imagine how my life would be without him. All I know is that, I am living a new life and loving it at the same time. I love him more than I could ever imagine. 

Dear God, 

I thank you for this day, for giving me another day to live.

 Thank you for your provision and for the unconditional love you have given me. 

You are now my life, in you I gain strength, and I would never ever walk away from you again. 

I'm sorry for having little faith and for worrying about too many things. 

Give me the power to overcome sin. I want you to take charge of my life and let your will be done.

 Love, A. 

Catching up a little bit.

It's been so long since I last wrote here. My last post was during the first day of this semester and time passed so quickly that it is already midterms week. Few weeks from now, it will be the end of this semeseter and students will come to know if their hardworks paid off. I bet most of students feel the same way I'm feeling right now, PRESSURED. I don't know, but perhaps we are all in the same situation.

All I can say is that every student will encounter difficulties but what we need to learn is how to deal with it. As I am writing this, I was exactly thinking about my own major dilemma as a STUDENT. I am not an A student or a geek or something, just an average happy-go-lucky student who dreams to be an engineer by proffesion. Well, you heard it right. Some peole say that for you to be succesful you have to get good grades, if not straight A's, maybe almost A's is enough. But I honestly disagree on that. I have come to met many succesful people who doesn't have a diploma or not a degree holder but still became succesful. How? Simply because they are well determined to succeed. They didn't quit. They hold on to their dreams no matter how bad the situation is. See, it's not all about getting good grades. Its how you will deal with every situation you are in. I am not saying that we don't need to study hard and just be an average student. I still believe that it is always great to be the best at something. My point is, even an ordinary people can be extraordinary in their own ways if they just believe.

Believe that everything will be okay in the right time.
Believe that God has plans for us.
Believe that we have the power to be the best that we can be.
Believe that nothing is impossible.
Believe on yourself.

With that in mind, everything will follow. Success, understanding, contentment, and happiness. I just want to inspire students like me, that getting bad grades is not the end of the world. There are still hope. We should just trust in ourselves and strive more. If you fail, then strive more. If you fail again, strive more. If nothing happens, strive still. And believe me, everything will pay off. So cheers to all students! Don't be discouraged. Don't be PRESSURED. Enjoy life!

Let's all have a Happy Sunday!

Love, Angel

Back-to-school time again.

It's official, summer is over which means back-to-school time again. I'm pretty much excited about going back to school, doing home-works, school stuffs, studying for quizzes and exams, and anything about being a student. I feel most excited about being a 3rd year college student, I don't know why but it really excites me. 

My schedule is pretty good. No morning classes on Mondays which gives me enough time to sleep. And I just pray that the weather would just cooperate. So for now, I should get ready for my classes this afternoon. 

Hope you guys enjoy your first day of school. 

There is no cool way to run with a back-pack.

Love, Angel

How we spent the rainy day: Wednesday

I received a tweet from my friend Hayron the night before Wednesday. She asked me if she could come over at my house to watch the NBA finals, Dallas VS Miami and I said yes. I woke up yesterday around 8am and what I first did was open the TV, and checked what's happening about the game. Hayron texted me around 9am that she won't be able to come early. And then I watched the game, Dallas won, and I took a bath. We already have previous plan on how we'll spend the day, but unfortunately the weather was a bit crappy, but it didn't really stopped us. Hayron drove her sister and her friends to Nuvali, and then picked me up around 11am. We went straight to Ethel's house. She's also my friend, one of the most closest to me. We're roomies and I love her. Since the rain was really pouring that time, we decided to stayed there for the mean time while waiting for Lea-my other friend. We watched Showtime, and then decided to watch a movie.

We watched "The Rite", we thought it was creepy and all, but it was boring. So we decided to pick another one, and then we watched "The Fourth Kind" and this time it was really creepy. Unfortunately, Hayron's sister texted her to pick them up at Nuvali, so we didn't able to finish the movie. We can't even finish a single a movie. That's funny.

Hayron driving to Nuvali

Lea in the font sit.

Ethel sits beside me.

After picking Hayron's sister we went straight to LaSalle Zobel and dropped them there. Then we ate at SEX-Sinangag Express. Then we went straight to Town Center. We did a lot of walking. After buying school stuffs we went to Starbucks to have some coffee and took some rest. We were all tired, and it was already past 8pm. Gahh! Then we went home. 

Roadtrip + good friend + rain = Fun.

We know were crazy, but what fun would we be if we were NORMAL :)

Love, angel

Only boring people are bored.

My day on a roll:

• Woke up around 9am
• Log on to facebook
• Check notifications
• Poke everyone back
• Change from "Top News" to "Most Recent"
• Have a little scroll down
• Do the "Happy Birthday" ritual
• Dad went online
• Had a long chat with mom and dad
• Go back to home page
• I got bored
• Log out on facebook
• Ate lunch
• Do the chit-chat ritual
• Watched TV
• Checked my blog
• Checked my phone for messages
• I got bored again
• I feel sleepy
• Played on my iPod
• Got a call from my cousin
• It was dinner already
• I don't feel hungry
• I skip dinner
• Blogging about my day in a bullet form
• Now I'm done
• Will post it in a minute
• Head back to my room
• Gonna watch a movie
• zZzzZzzzZzZZ

I'm still wearing my PJ's last night.

Which means, I didn't shower today. 

But, I don't smell awful.

I swear. 

Oh Noooo. Its true. 

Good bye! 

Love, Angel

Growing up.

I guess this is growing up. Tear strained pillows every night, staring naked at yourself in the mirror, waiting for a text that will never come. Wishing for impossible things, like narrower thighs or prettier hair. Trying to get your tongue pierced, wanting to get a tattoo. It's a viscous cycle of being too scared to help someone else, and feeling abandoned by everyone when they are the same. Growing up is feeling self-conscious enough about yourself to break down crying in your room late at night, or even in a school bathroom. And the horrible panicking comes when you realize you forgot your phone at home. When your parents are screaming at you about your grades, and screaming at you because you came home drunk, and screaming at you because they hate your friends, and screaming at you because you are a big mess, and you just can't do anything right. I don't think I will ever know if its just me that is passing time like this, so painfully, or if I am just crying over something that everyone else can be brave about.

When you get to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell on their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That's why you can't fall in love  with beauty or looks. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body, but not your heart. That's why growing up is when you connect with a person, and any physical  imperfections disappear, it become irrelevant.

Razors pain you.
Rivers are damp.
Acids stain you.
Drugs cause cramps.
Guns aren't lawful.
Nooses give.
Gas smells awful.
You might as well live.

Love, Angel

My future plan.

Mmmm. I haven't really thought about it for a long time. I don't know, maybe I just get preoccupied by so many things. But lately, I felt the need to write my thoughts about it. You know, just for the sake of reminding myself.

Time is really in a quick phase. I remember getting into college and thought of it like a dream come true. I can now do what I want, meet new people, go to different places, and just have fun. And yes, I got it right. I really had fun doing the things I want. But I realized that college is not all about that stuffs, not about just meeting new people and having fun. It's really about something more important, my future. I may sound like a 40 year old adult or a counselor or whatever, but that is true. I mean, everything about college will determine what future I am going to have. So then, I started to realized that I am very much blessed that I have a parents that really supported me all the way. My dad is really strict, He always have plans, and you have to follow it, whether you like it or not. When he say something, you shouldn't question it. You just have to say yes in everything. And way back to the time that I don't understand things, all I did was to curse him inside my mind, say bad things to him and disobeyed him. But now, I can say I am a total jerk.

Phew! Thank God, I was able to see things in a bigger picture. I realized what I really want. And that is to have a better future and be the best in my chosen career. Few weeks from now, classes will resume again. And I'm already an incoming 3rd year. Which means, 3 more years until I graduate from college. And when that time comes, I guess, I will be pursuing my Masteral degree in the US. Dad and I are talking about that for almost everyday. He wants me to take up my masteral degree at the University of Austin in Texas, which was really great since my grandma lives in Texas. And I can say, Texas was really a nice place. I mean, the house, the people, the environment and the weather is just amazing.

So I can't possibly know if you have read one of my old posts about my parents trip to the US. Well, they decided to go on a vacation for about a month. They went back to Texas and will be visiting some of our relatives in Chicago and Las Vegas. Unfortunately, my brother was supposed to come with them but classes are about to start few weeks from now, and mom didn't allow him to miss his classes. That's why I'm stuck here babysitting him. But enough for my future plan. I should worry about my plans while dad and mom are still in Texas. 


Okay. I'm done.
Go on. Live your lives.
While I am stuck here at home.
Rambling about my future plan. 
Goodbye...


Love, Angel

There's still beauty in the broken

I wasn't able to go to church today because of what happened this morning. I was getting ready and dressed up and then my older sister and I had a fight. Well, actually it started this way. I was telling her to come with us and ditched out her plans for today. Since Mom and Dad are still in the US for their vacation, I was the one who is responsible here at home. So I was expecting some cooperation and concern from her. Of course, I cannot do it alone. But I guess, the opposite is happening. I mean, she's really getting out of control. And yes, it was really hard. I burst out into tears, and started crying. The room was then filled with anger and sadness. Everyone was shouting, trying to control the situation. And then, she threw my phone away and the next thing I know it was already in pieces.

I don't know what to do anymore. I just cried, until no more tears left. Yes, she maybe won the fight but I gained something. I gained something more important than anything. I realized that there are some things that you cannot choose. There are some things you cannot change. And the only thing you can do is to accept it and suck it up. In life, I have made so many mistakes, that haunts me down. But I don't want those mistakes to be the reason why my life is a big mess but I want it to be the reason why I am way better now.

Changed. Simple word that means a lot to me. I maybe someone messed up of fucked up in the past. But what really important is that I CHANGED. And now, looking back at my mistakes, it doesn't really disturbed me anymore. I mean, I can now totally talked about it openly with other people. I guess, the key is that you just have to accept that you want a change, that you want to be better and stick to it. Well I can say it's hard, some people won't understand you. But in the end, what matter is that you know that you are not the same anymore. And I thanked God for that. For everything. God doesn't give up on me. And I know exactly in my heart that I don't want to get back to the way I used to be.

My point is that, we don't have to follow the trend. We don't have to follow what the world is saying. We don't have to do something bad, just to fit in. Sometimes, we have to take the opposite way to stand out among the crowd. We have to choose what we want. We have to decide on our own and ignore what might people will say. It's all about us realizing what is right. Remember: There's still beauty in the broken it's just harder to find. We just have to look at things differently. And be more positive that one day, everything will be okay. It may take too long, but I am sure the time will come.


Love, Angel

There are things that you really have to be thankful about.

I see good vibes here. So today, I went to school to get my grades and supposedly to enroll for summer class. I got pretty good grades, almost 1's and I got a pretty high GWA (general weighted average) and by that, I mean no failing grades. And that's something to be thankful about. I don't know how to say what I am feeling right now but I am overjoyed, I am overflowing with grace, with smiles and all. I am happy. I cannot doubt it. I just feel so blessed that God really helped me to passed all my subjects. I cannot imagined how my grades would be without God's help. And I can say that it's not me who did it. It's God. I kew it, it's Him that gave me wisdom, knowledge and guidance through out the whole semester. 

And as I went home, I texted mom about how my grades went. But I made a prank joke about it, I told her that I failed on my two subjects- Integral Calculus & Physics. And she was like, "What!?? Why? Are you kidding me, I thought you we're doing good on it?". So when I arrived home, Mom was in the kitchen and she called me. I went there, and boom! Sinesermonan na ako. She really believed it, and I can see in her eyes that she was really disappointed with me. So to stop the "SERMON", I laughed and told her the truth. And ayun, natawa lang siya. She even called me "Bruha". And Mom says, it's not a good joke. So I said, sorry. Then we ate lunch. Then we slept. And zzzZzZzZ!!! 

The lesson I learned today is that, there is nothing impossible with God. 

Love, Angel

And there goes BV.

The last two days was not so good. I mean, it was so unproductive. First, walang internet so it means I can't go online. Second, I failed to do my to-do list which I planned last Thursday. And that was very uncool!. :| So I guess, I'm gonna make up for that two days I have wasted.

Tuesdays are for losers like me.

My goodness. I never thought Tuesday could be boring as this. I mean hello, it's summer it must be fun. But I guess I have to deal with this right now. So I woke up around 9am because of the irritating sounds coming from the TV and then realizing I was in a couch, so then I headed to my room to get my laptop. See, this is kinda gonna be my routine this summer. Wake up-laptop-eat-sleep. Productive? Uh-huh.

I guess it would be great if I'll be able to do more stuffs. Well, seriously I am not happy about Mom leaving me here alone at home. Well, I guess it's part of her revenge since we had a fight last night. And we're not still okay. We don't pretty much talk this morning. I just feel awkward and ashamed of my actions last night. I messed up, and I know that. That's why I am taking responsibility for that. Summing up, I learned pretty good lessons:

1. I should never leave without Mom's permission;
2. Always answer Mom's call;
3. Don't argue with Mom (there's no way in winning);
4. Just shut up. Keep your ears closed. HAHA.;
5. Just stay at home. (Best way to avoid a fight with Mom)

This made my Tuesday. I hope tomorrow I will be able to do more stuffs like going outside with my friends, take a walk around the neighborhood, just chill outside, you know hanging out with my old friends. Just the old school I guess. So right now, I guess I'll just have to deal with it.

Love, Angel

MONDAY ON A ROLL

• I woke up around 6am, and realized I have 16 unread messages, 3 misscalls
• Read messages from Justine
• took a bath, got dressed
• traveled from home to Alabang
• Met Deceree and Justine 
• Make kwento and the likes
• Ate Wellai arrived
• Headed to Imus, Cavite from Alabang 
• Super fun kwento and bonding the whole trip 
• We arrived at Ate Cheng's place
• Had Nutella+ Iced Tea + Skyfalkes + Chips for snacks = Damn Full
• Kulitan while waiting for Kuya Julius
• Had Lunch
• Kuya Julius arrived
• Everyone was in silence(LOL)
• Team Building started. 
• Had gamesss! (Justine and I were LOSERS)
• Took a rest!
• Had an evaluation talk about the whole activity
• Team Building was over
• We ate dinner
• Finally went home
• Had a fight with Mom and Dad
• I was like "Okay, fine I'm sorry".
• I slept

My first day of Summer was great though I had a little fight with dad for not going home early. And I was like grounded. So I guess, I'll be staying at home the whole day. And it sucks. My goodness, I need a rewind button. :)

IT'S OFFICIALLY SUMMER

After weeks of sleepless nights and stressful exams I am proud and happy to say that finally, school was over. It's done. No more shits and school stuffs. And I thanked God I survived, I mean WE survived. I guess it's been too tough for me to handle school stuffs lately. I felt like I was in a box. It's suffocating. You know, same shits, different day. It happens every now and then. Well, I guess its part of being a student. With all that, I just pray and hope that all my efforts would be appreciated and my grades would be okay. I seriously don't want to see 5's on my report card, cause' if that happens I guess it would be a chaos. Mom and Dad would be really disappointed with me, and for sure I'll be grounded or whatever. And I really don't want that to happen. *Cross fingers*

So its officially SUMMER. :)

LET'S ALL HAVE FUN! <3

Love, Angel